I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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