At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
