Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
