fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
Randomize
