my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
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