She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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