Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
