he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
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