Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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