shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
Taylor Swift is so right about you.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
