what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
