I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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