If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
Randomize
