Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
you would pick up someone in the library
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Randomize
