K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
i think i have two assholes
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
Randomize
