please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
