i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
