He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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