We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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