Soap is not a condiment
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
I share a birthday weekend with Easter this year, so that fucking sucks. I hate sharing...and I have to share with fucking Jesus this year.\n
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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