Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
