guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
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