ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
