i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
