my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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