Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
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