The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Gay?
German.
Pity.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
