Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize
