I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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