Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
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