Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
