If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
i signed up to donate 10 dollars a month to help the children that are being displaced in columbia because of the drug wars.. i felt obligated
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
Randomize
