dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
