Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
