dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
