She announced her abortion via fbk
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
Randomize
