Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
