i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
don't judge my taste in strippers
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Randomize
