im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
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