this beer tastes like vomit already
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
We have so much sex to catch up on
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
