I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
