I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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