I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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