He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
