I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
