his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
