Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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