Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
