I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
I think I sprained my soul last night
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
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