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• (313): View more from Michigan

  Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.

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• (201): View more from New Jersey

  you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct

  (973): View more from New Jersey

  that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand

  (201): View more from New Jersey

  she's a dina-saur

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• (314): View more from Missouri

  So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.

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• (703): View more from Virginia

  the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.

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• (909): View more from California

  Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?

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• (315): View more from New York

  some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.

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• (631): View more from New York

  Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.

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• (740): View more from Ohio

  Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.

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• (780): View more from Alberta, CA

  If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.

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• (925): View more from California

  Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.

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• (508): View more from Massachusetts

  I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us

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• (843): View more from South Carolina

  I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer

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• (319): View more from Iowa

  I wasn't that gone.

  (361): View more from Texas

  Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.

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