I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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