IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Randomize
