Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
